My Beloved Son

This online memorial was created in loving memory of Todd Lefever, whose life story is told throughout this memorial website.

Please sign Todd's guest book and let us know you came to visit. We will remember Todd forever.

Todd suffered with bipolar disorder for 16 years. He locked himself in a closet with a gun at the age of ten. At sixteen he was formally diagnosed. Getting him to understand that he needed to take his meds was next to impossible. In his good times he was the sweetest most sensitive son a mother could ever desire. He was a hard worker. He was kind, considerate and loving. He would do anything for you. He was extremely intelligent and always had big dreams and ideas. He also had a dark side, the torment he suffered made relationships difficult for him. It was a domestic incident at age 19 that caused him to serve 6-1/2 years in prison, and a domestic incident that resulted in the taking of his own life just 8 days short of a year after I brought him home from prison.

Todd was an avid hunter, fisherman, and trapper. Because of his record, he was no longer able to have a gun and go hunting. He spent most of his free time in fall and winter trapping.

Fishing was his greatest passion. He once told me that the only time he was really happy was when he was fishing.

Todd Fishing With Niece Lona

Todd loved children and dreamed of being a dad, but he also feared the effect his dark side would have upon a child of his. He adored his niece Lona and she him. On the night after he died, Lona woke up with a toy fishing rod in her bed (we aren't sure if it was there before) she climbed into my bed and said Maw Maw Todd took me fishing last night. I believe he did. Today he is in heaven with a child of his that was lost to a miscarriage. I wrote this poem to express what a comforting thought this is to me.

How Does It Feel?

Todd Cooking Dinner On The Grill

Todd was an excellent cook. He worked most of the last year at our family owned hardware store and would often cook breakfast for us. He made the best fried potatoes and eggs. Steaks were always a treat when he made them, and his fresh trout on the grill was hard to beat.

The pain of losing a child to suicide cannot be expressed in words. What follows is my attempt to describe the anvil in my soul.

Why Did You Do It Todd?

1st Place Manheim Mat Club

Todd was 6'1" 195lbs and all muscle. He used to sit next to me flex his biceps and say, "What do you think of my big guns Mom?" And then he'd flex his pecs and say, "How about them rocks Mom what do you think of them?" He was so big and strong, but he was still my little boy. If we sat for any length of time together he would eventually lean front and say, "tickle my back Mom." Ever since he was a little boy he loved his backed tickled.

As a child he was active in wrestling, football, and baseball. And won many awards and trophies.

Graduation Day

As difficult as the prison years were they were also a time of growth for Todd. He came to accept Christ not only as his savior but his Lord. He kept himself busy by studying the word of God and earned over 40 certificates of accomplishment from 10 different Bible correspondence schools.

He enrolled in the Ohio University distance learning program and maintained a 4.0 GPA. He also received an Associates Business Degree from Lehigh Carbon Community College, and was awarded the honor of being named on the Dean's Honor List of 2003.

Todd, Me & Lon (Stepfather)

In addition he earned

A ServSafe Certification

NOCTI--Food Products Management & Service

NOCTI--Business Information Processing

483 hours of instruction in Automotive Technology

Upon returning home he earned a PA state inspection and emissions license.

Coach Todd And His Team

He continued to be active and participated in volleyball, baseball, football, basketball and weight lifting. Football was his favorite, and he was able to coach a team.

Mom, Todd, Lona, Grandma, Aunt Ellen

Todd's relationship with God was his biggest area of growth. These were the words he wrote to me the first Christmas after he went from county to state prison.

"I had the best Christmas of my life! God showed Himself to me in full and all lack of faith, hope, trust are completely gone! Mom we have forever together, well eternity to be exact, so don't worry about this time that we are apart! Heaven will make this time like a day for us! God has called me out of our home for His plans for me to be fulfilled! This is HIS WILL for me right now! Trust him fully Mom, we must so we see each other at the golden gate and we can read each others names!"

Reading this now makes me think that this letter was written not only for then but for now.

Carey and Lona "Body by Todd"

Todd was into eating healthy and staying fit. When he got home from prison he showed us how to prepare low calorie meals. He became his sister Carey's personal trainer giving her advice and encouragement. To date Carey has lost 60 pounds since Todd came home July 2006. Todd gave Carey the support she needed to reach her goals. He would often tell her how proud he was of her and she will be forever grateful for his love and support.

Born 5-20-81 5:39A.M. 7lbs 7ozs 20" Long

When I was born everyone in the room was laughing and happy-------I was crying

Entered Into Rest July 15, 2007 4:23P.M. 6"1" tall 195lbs

When I died everyone in the room was crying.--------I was the only one laughing and happy.